Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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