Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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