I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
