My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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