Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
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Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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