I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
