she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize