Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
