Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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