Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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