I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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