I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
