he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
