Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize