yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
