btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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