Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
