this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
