He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
