Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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