My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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