Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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