did you get engaged???
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
