i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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