i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
