Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
