why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
