I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
