I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he thought i was a dude.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
