it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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