Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
