Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
