Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
