My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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