Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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