So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Even my vagina gasped.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
