is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
