I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
