so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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