YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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