her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
