my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
