the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
