Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
