Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
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