pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
