ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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