At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
