my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
wow bdsm is so cute
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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