the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
