So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
