There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
