remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
