we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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