Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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