M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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