new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
