what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
