low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
