I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
