About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
