I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Girls should come with a carfax report
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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