somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
