grandma shit on top of the toilet
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
