This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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