I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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