margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
